Culture

It’s only a matter of time before Amazon is posting Dog Crap through your Letterbox

A Spanish Town’s new scheme to combat Dog Fouling is the inevitable future of Online Delivery.

 

By Adam Langle

Internet shopping giant Amazon recently announced that it is planning a major expansion into the world of online groceries. “AmazonFresh”-a service which enables customers to order fresh meat, eggs and produce alongside Amazon’s usual high-margin, goods-has been a success in the website’s home city of Seattle and is now expected to be expanded to Los Angeles and the San Francisco Bay area.

An international version of the service is expected to launch later this year. European supermarkets such as Tesco and Waitrose have refused to comment on the launch of “AmazonFresh”.  But now not even our supermarkets are safe, what are the chances that at some point the online retailer will try to get in on the canine faeces market?

 

By a bizarre coincidence, on the same day Amazon announced its plans to cripple yet another sector of the retail industry it was revealed that a small town in Spain is taking steps to eradicate dog mess on its streets by mailing the faeces to people who fail to clean up after their pets.

The town of Brunete, located just outside the Spanish capital of Madrid, has reported an almost seventy per cent drop in the amount of dog mess left on its streets after the council adopted a new scheme which saw a small group of twenty volunteers regularly patrolling the streets looking for inconsiderate dog owners. If one of these volunteers witnessed an incident where dog poo was not properly disposed of, they would talk to the owner in order to find out the Dog’s name and pedigree, which would then be used to identify the owner from the Brunete town council’s pet register.  The inconsiderate owners would then receive a rather unpleasant shock when the turd they did not pick up the first time around was sent back to them in the post.

Whether the Brunete town council has come up with an ingenious way of keeping the streets clean, or if they have simply opened the floodgates to plagiarism lawsuits from angry racists and paedophile hunters remains to be seen. However, you can bet that Amazon and other online retailers will at some point completely undercut the Brunete town council with a cheap, easy-to-use online ordering service where you can pick and choose from literally hundreds of Pedigree droppings and have them shoved through your enemy’s letterbox the very next day. After all, you can get everything else on Amazon. And since we seem to have collectively decided that we would rather have convenience over jobs and a vibrant retail sector, why can’t we allow internet retailers to make our lives a little easier by letting them handle our vendettas, prejudices, or bizarre council-backed schemes as well?

 

Links to sources:

 

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/return-to-sender-spanish-towns-solution-to-the-dog-mess-problem–send-it-back-to-the-owners-8645321.html

 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2013/jun/05/amazon-business-online-food-delivery

 

BIO:

 

Adam Langley is a part-time blogger. He sometimes writes articles and short stories as well. He does not know why. It may have something to do with the fact that blogging is considered more socially acceptable than screaming at people in the street.

http://adman12.tumblr.com/

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